my world is spinning;

i need to stop trying to be grown up, and live.

join me?

love is all we need;

i feel like a load of bull honkey.

have you ever stopped and thought about asking the person your talking to how they were? it's probably one of the easiest things to do, but nobody ever does it. don't ask me why. but anyway, even though it's almost the simplest phrase to say to anyone, it's one of the most meaningful. just think about it.. when somebody stops and asks, "how are you?" or even, "what's wrong?" it's not only polite..but it shows how much the person cares. and honestly, i think caring is one of the biggest problems these days. nobody seems to care about anybody but themselves. and i'm not saying it's a bad thing to care about yourself, i'm just saying you should put yourself last in everything you do. and always think about how the other person is. and, i'm also not saying i'm awesome at doing that, because i'm terrible at it. all i'm saying is, the world would be so much better if people actually cared. about everyone. so next time your having a conversation, stop and ask how the person is doing. we can work on it together.

another thing.. love. it kind of goes hand and hand with caring. if you love somebody, you obviously care about them. but that's another problem with this world. there's so much hate. and when i say love, i don't mean like..husband and wife kind of love. i mean just going out of your way to help someone out. or, not talking about people behind their backs. or even, asking how somebody is doing lately. sounds kind of like my caring paragraph. i don't really know where i'm going with this. i just want people to realize you absolutely need to love and care for people, or you are not going to get anywhere in your life. even the super annoying people, love them. and the dirty nasty people, love them. love everybody.

everybody needs to know that somebody is there for them. be that person.

God is love, and love is caring. Therefor, God is caring.

i guess that's what i've been trying to say this whole time..

i wanna be home.

i promise the stars;

oh, geezz.

wanna know a secret? i don't want to be a leader. plus, in no way am i qualified. i'm not outgoing, people generally don't listen to me, i don't generally listen to people too well, and people should nott look up to me. even though they do..don't ask me why. with all that said, i don't get why everybody wants me to be one so bad. everywhere i turn, people act as if i'm supposed to be this perfect example. news for the day, i should nott be an example to anyone. that's just my two cents on the situation. plus! know what..nevermind. you get it.

another secret? okay. i kind of forgot about this whole blogging deal. i've just been a busy guy lately. i can't help it. and i think that because i haven't been blogging, all my feelings are just staying inside. which, consequently, leads to me acting different. and not just around my friends, but around my family too. it's a bad cycle. so, blogging = happiness. at least to me..

lately, i've been thinking about how the only person i think about is myself. and that i want to help people with whatever i do. but, i got offered to go on a three month tour, playing music. and i said no. don't ask me why. i just felt like it wasn't what i was supposed to do. but now, i'm thinking it was a bad idea to turn them down. that could of been my onlyy chance to do something with my life. and ultimately, helping people. that's all i really want to do.

help people.

i feel like i'm growing up too fast. i'm only 15. i have all of high school to figure myself out.

and on that note..i'm going to end this short blog. i just had to get some stuff off of my chest.

wanna know a secret?

just a word;

i don't know what i'm doing lately..

if love is just a concept;

then tears are just the rain.

if love is just a word;

then all my words are vain.

also, i'm so sick of school.

we'll be a dream;

this is going to be an about me kind of deal..

okayy, so...in real life, i'm a big nerd. i could easily get straight a's in school if i wanted. but i never really wanted to because i guess it's "not cool". whatever. anyway, i know how to put together a computer from scratch, and could fix yours no matter what i you did to it. and i mean it. i know what this means, and could "hack" just about anything i own. i like to play pokemon. yellow, and sometimes sapphire. i could go on and on..

but i won't. so, i want to find somebody i can be myself around. i'm constantly trying to be someone i'm not. and it bugs the shit out of me, honestly. oh, and i've decided i'm not going to swear any more. that was the last time. anyway, if i ever find someone, you'll know, cause i'll be around them probably allll the time. from now on, i'm paul. not who somebody wants me to be. 'cause that's dumb.

i wish i was in 8th grade again. it was honestly one of the best years of my life. i didn't care about anything. everything was simple, and just worked. now there's all this bull honkey that screws everything up. i can't stand growing up, everyone says it's the best part of your life..but mine's a mess. hm..i just had to get that out.

woah, back to about me. the simple things mean the most to me. just like, little things that nobody would think are big deals. to me, they are. like when somebody smiles when they talk to me. or if they come up to me and start a conversation. or even just saying hi when they see me. ha, if somebody came up to me, said "hi", and were smiling while they said it, then started a real conversation, it would make my whole day. maybe even my week.

something else about me..joana, is my bestttt friend. favorite favorite best friend if you want to get technical. she's awesome. she forced me to do footloose, and i'm so glad. literally, she dragged me into the auditorium and made me sit next to her. thennnn! i was willard. willard hewitt. and honestly, i didn't think i could do it. i didn't think i could one bit. i'm the most shy person you will everr meet. but she wouldn't let me give up. i'm pretty sure she's the only shoulder i've ever cried on too. and if you've never cried on somebodies shoulder, it's one of the best feelings in the world. i love her.

i keep getting off subject..back to mee. i love music. if i could, i would sit in my basement and play guitar all day long. and sing loud while i do it. 'cause nobody can hear me down here. it's awesome. oh, on the subject of music, but still staying about me..i think music these days sucks. none of it actually has any meaning to the person that wrote it. and half of the people that record music can't actually sing in real life. i could go on forever about this..but i'll leave it at that.

that's pretty much all i'm willing to share about me. if you really want to know me though, spend some time with me. but know i have trust issues. i'm not an open book, so don't expect to know everything about me in a month. or even a year. actually, i've been extremely close to somebody for about five years now, and that person still hardly knows much about me.

basically, i'm just an average kid, looking for more than the average kid is looking for.

i need to clean my basement..

we were just kids in love;

i need to figure things out.

i have no idea where i'm going in life. and i guess that's okay. yeah..okay if i plan on living with my parents the rest of my life. gross. that's definitely not going to happen. well..at least i hope not. i just need to figure out life and i'll be all set. but that's neverr going to happen. remember when i said i was going to figure out a plan? i didn't. i just played pokemon. i'm going to turn into a pokemon..

but that's besides the point. i'm going to start being healthy. like eating good food instead of junk. oh, and no more pop. i have a least 88 ounces of pop a day. every week day. that's really bad.. and poptarts. they're my favoritee. no more of those. on the plus side, i haven't had any fast food since likee, wednesday. and that's reallyy good considering i used to eat it everyy day for lunch. i'm an unhealthy person..

oh! i also decided i'm not going to wash my hair for this week. since it's like spring break week, and there's only four days. sounds good to me anyway..

i want to start playing my ukulele a lott. hm..i think it needs a name.. lele sounds good. scratch that, i want to start playing my lele a lott. all my guitars are at my church. well..except one, and a string is broke on that one. bad news bears. anyway, i need to expand musically. so later i think i'm going to start playing piano all the time again. i really want my keyboard back from my church so i don't have to use one of the pianos upstairs. my parents can hear that ya know..

geezz..i'm running out of things to blog about. maybe if i just don't blog for a reallyy long time, then things will just start to come to me. i think that's a wonderful idea. on thatt note, this is the last blog i'll be doing for some time. so enjoy it a wholee lot. thanks.

have you ever heard of boxcar racer? look 'em up.

this is me trying to live my life;

"When I was little, my mom told me happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I wrote down "happy".

They told me I didn't understand the assignment.

I told them they didn't understand life."

Think about that for a little bit.