i don't have a title.

happy 4th of july? yeah..

soo..this could either be an optimistic blog, or a pessimistic one. i haven't really decided yet. i mostly like to be optimistic, but i'm in a pretty bad mood right now. don't ask me why. maybe it's just 'cause summer is a bummer. in my eyes anyway. i can't stand it. there's absolutely nothing to do. also, i've recently discovered i have no friends. which is alright with me, i don't really need fake friends. one or two awesome friends is greatt with me. so i guess i'm set, right? yeah.. i just need to get out of here. so while i was thinking about that, i decided that i'm going to have some of this happy, and some of it sad. so you get the best of both worlds. but you could probably go without the pessimistic world. i guess that's too bad for you though. i have to have some way to get stuff off my chest.

lets start off with the happy. then the middle will be a little bit more sad, and i'll end on a happy note. sweet. i've spent the last two days at my grandpa and grandma's house. and if there's one thing i've decided, it's that i want to be just like my grandpa when i get old. he's the nicest, most interesting guy i know. and never runs out of things to talk about. even when he's the way he is. i love him. and i don't love very many people. i don't hug my in-laws, i figure they have to earn it. and i don't think they have. brenna calls me a jerk 'cause of things like that. but in my head it just makes sense. it's just nobody ever takes the time to listen.

on the same subject of family..i feel like i don't fit in with any of them. they all like sports. and me? i like music. and art. ya know, those kind of things. even though i guess i'm very naturally gifted with sport things (i know, i know), at least that's what the rest of my family says. and they all push me to do sports. one of these days i'm just going to explode. hopefully i don't, but i can just tell it's going to happen. and on the note of nobody listening, from the last part, i wish people did. i want to be heard. i want to be noticed. but most of all, i want to make a difference. and how am i supposed to do that when nobody ever listens? someday, i'll find a way to force people to notice. i will make a difference.

i don't know how to end this happily. have you ever watched meet the robinsons? greattt movie. i highly recommend you watch it. maybe that's what i need. too bad i don't have it, and i deleted it. this is sad. ahh! happy ending; almost forgot. i'll download it again and i'll be happy. you should go watch it too. ;).

i miss you.

he melts whenever she speaks;

i went for the longest walk today.

every time i look into her eyes;

i see a little bit more sunshine.

feel a little bit more like me;

instead of who i turned out to be.

wouldn't trade it for the world.

that's all.

my heart is with you;

i couldn't sleep until 6 this morning.

i decided to go for a drive today. i don't have my license, but i was home alone and had nothing to do. so i drove around my country block. as i was driving i looked around at the fields, and in one of the fields, just one tree was standing. just a single tree in the middle of a whole entire field. and i couldn't figure out why when the farmers decided to cut down the whole wooded area, they decided to keep that one tree there.

when i got home i started thinking about why farmers would even cut down that whole "forest" just for a field. i mean, i understand food is important, and so is making a living if you're that farmer, but i'm pretty sure air is more important. there's plenty of room in other places for farmland where you wouldn't even have to cut down all those trees (except one).

and then, i started thinking about cars and technology. don't get me wrong, i love all kinds of technology. but things like cars, and expressways, and all these things that don't have a real purpose except for polluting, i don't love. people can live without cars, trust me, they did it for thousands of years. and without cars, no expressways to cut through the land. next time your going through a rural area, look around. it's beautiful. and us, as people, are destroying it. just because we want things now.

but then i started thinking about that tree again. suppose it grew out of the ground after the farmers plowed the field. maybe it was trying to make a stand; trying to tell the farmers they were ruining the way things are supposed to be. maybe it was trying to get people to realize the way they're living is wrong, and that they're headed in the complete opposite direction that they should be.

or maybe, it was just trying to be different. and if that's the case, i look up to that tree. i respect anyone or anything that dares to be different in this world. this scary world.

i pray that someday i have the guts to be just like that tree. different.

..or maybe it was just trying to be a tree.

i'm not like them;

i need a break.

this is going to be a just because blog. just because somebody i don't think i've ever talked to told me that they liked my blog. it made my day. and i just wanted to share. i'm glad this is giving enjoyment to more than two people. i think i've said it before, but all i really want to do is make a difference. so you could go look back if you wanna know more about that topic.

so..it's summer, and i haven't done anything. nothing. is it a bad thing? not onee bit. summer is just what i needed. almost. i just feel disconnected from everybody. and i really hate it. lately i've been thinking about all the people that i've lost contact with, and i want to say sorry. i doubt any of them will read this, but i just get caught up in things. sorry. i wish things didn't end up the way they are.

i feel like i need a topic to write about. but i really can't think of anything relevant right now. so i'm going to post this, just because. and i hope everybody reading this has an awesome day. i love you all.

i cleaned all day today.

my world is spinning;

i need to stop trying to be grown up, and live.

join me?

love is all we need;

i feel like a load of bull honkey.

have you ever stopped and thought about asking the person your talking to how they were? it's probably one of the easiest things to do, but nobody ever does it. don't ask me why. but anyway, even though it's almost the simplest phrase to say to anyone, it's one of the most meaningful. just think about it.. when somebody stops and asks, "how are you?" or even, "what's wrong?" it's not only polite..but it shows how much the person cares. and honestly, i think caring is one of the biggest problems these days. nobody seems to care about anybody but themselves. and i'm not saying it's a bad thing to care about yourself, i'm just saying you should put yourself last in everything you do. and always think about how the other person is. and, i'm also not saying i'm awesome at doing that, because i'm terrible at it. all i'm saying is, the world would be so much better if people actually cared. about everyone. so next time your having a conversation, stop and ask how the person is doing. we can work on it together.

another thing.. love. it kind of goes hand and hand with caring. if you love somebody, you obviously care about them. but that's another problem with this world. there's so much hate. and when i say love, i don't mean like..husband and wife kind of love. i mean just going out of your way to help someone out. or, not talking about people behind their backs. or even, asking how somebody is doing lately. sounds kind of like my caring paragraph. i don't really know where i'm going with this. i just want people to realize you absolutely need to love and care for people, or you are not going to get anywhere in your life. even the super annoying people, love them. and the dirty nasty people, love them. love everybody.

everybody needs to know that somebody is there for them. be that person.

God is love, and love is caring. Therefor, God is caring.

i guess that's what i've been trying to say this whole time..

i wanna be home.

i promise the stars;

oh, geezz.

wanna know a secret? i don't want to be a leader. plus, in no way am i qualified. i'm not outgoing, people generally don't listen to me, i don't generally listen to people too well, and people should nott look up to me. even though they do..don't ask me why. with all that said, i don't get why everybody wants me to be one so bad. everywhere i turn, people act as if i'm supposed to be this perfect example. news for the day, i should nott be an example to anyone. that's just my two cents on the situation. plus! know what..nevermind. you get it.

another secret? okay. i kind of forgot about this whole blogging deal. i've just been a busy guy lately. i can't help it. and i think that because i haven't been blogging, all my feelings are just staying inside. which, consequently, leads to me acting different. and not just around my friends, but around my family too. it's a bad cycle. so, blogging = happiness. at least to me..

lately, i've been thinking about how the only person i think about is myself. and that i want to help people with whatever i do. but, i got offered to go on a three month tour, playing music. and i said no. don't ask me why. i just felt like it wasn't what i was supposed to do. but now, i'm thinking it was a bad idea to turn them down. that could of been my onlyy chance to do something with my life. and ultimately, helping people. that's all i really want to do.

help people.

i feel like i'm growing up too fast. i'm only 15. i have all of high school to figure myself out.

and on that note..i'm going to end this short blog. i just had to get some stuff off of my chest.

wanna know a secret?